Hi bby Crits,
I’m writing this to you from Austin, where we’ve just landed and had the most insane night. We’re here to visit my family for Christmas (yay) but no holiday is complete without drama (oOoOo). On the previous season of “ATX Visits”, the ceiling of our family condo fell apart, leaving a gaping hole, drywall everywhere, and mold rampant throughout the living room. It was soon discovered that it was because the air conditioner’s water-catch basin was overflowing and caused such extensive water damage the ceiling literally collapsed. This season, we’ve learned that the gaping hole in the ceiling is still around and it was covered with a temporary tarp, but the tarp partially fell after a raccoon tried walking across it. The raccoon plummeted eight feet from the hole in the ceiling, shat on the couch, shat on the bed, and then horrifyingly disappeared with no discernible escape route. If you read this tomorrow, Thursday, December 21st, it means we made it through the night without Rooney Racoon giving us rabies in our sleep.
Critical Thought
Idk if this counts, but I do not trust Trader Joe’s. There is something so sinister lurking behind that whole garden basket facade. I predict their downfall soon. I know everyone in their 20s loves it but I just cannot get behind them.
1) They don’t open stores in poor areas, the areas that need them most! My hometown is too poor for Trader Joe’s but even in places that have them, it's never in the neighborhoods that truly need affordable, healthy, diverse, and tasty foods. Profit-driven incentives are always bound to create immense evil at some point, and Traitor Hoe’s is no exception.
2) The way they white-label everything is such a red flag for me. They could be sourcing dog paws from the middle of Long Island and no one would ever know because the pasta has a fun shape and cute ribbon font on the label. They’ve brainwashed customers into believing anything their marketing team wants them to, and that can’t be good for the actual quality of the food.
3) The actual quality of food is so subpar. They’re pumping their food with the same bs that these other big companies are and they get away with it from otherwise food-careful people because they have a different name. You wouldn’t buy a premade Bertoli’s shrimp pasta from the Walmart freezer section, but look, Trader Joe's has a cute frozen shrimp fettuccine. It’s not even good!!! It’s just frozen, premade food!!!
4) The experience at the TJs on Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn Heights is so fucking insane it’s inspired this section. The line wraps around through every possible aisle and you can’t help but feel like a piglet in line for the slop at the checkout troughs. It’s a grocery store with no brand variety in an old, ornate bank: The entire space exudes abundance, wealth, and gluttony. Produce, meats, pantry goods, bread, and ready-made meals abound, wrapped in a mound of plastic for your convenience. And then you walk outside and someone is begging for food, starving, on the street. This is my critique of NYC and the country at large, but that specific Trader Joe’s exemplifies so much that I find wrong here.
5) This thing where the cashiers flirt with everyone? It’s never happened to me and maybe it’s because I’m unattractive and stand-offish but maybe also y’all are just fucking weird! If it ever does come out that part of their training is to flirt with customers for the profit and benefit of the store itself, that is even more evil. Liberate the Trader Joe’s cashiers from pimping out frozen dumplings and vegan French onion dip.
I’ll admit, when I discovered TJs in the middle of college, I was floored that all these foods in such a cute little store were so cheap and I didn’t have to cook. I won’t deny that some people really do benefit from it. It’s good for 1-2 person meals, time crunches, dietary restrictions, etc. And, as I mentioned last Crit, the status of all grocery stores and food in this country is so abysmal I can’t expect anyone to escape it. I’ll also leave the knock-off Taki’s out of this because I love those things and there are no delusions that they are unnatural. But why gatekeep it from poor people??? Also, why open it in a bank?? How can you sell the idea that you have homegrown, healthy, and diverse foods and then the first ingredient on my Mini (Almost) Everything Bagels with Cream Cheese Filling is unbleached enriched flour (wheat flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamine mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid)??? I’m calling it now, TJs is not and will never be the lighthouse of nutrition for our generation and soon enough, the truth will come out.
Critiques
Books
A Lady’s Guide to Miscief and Mayhem by Manda Collins: Listen, it’s not my normal type of read but I needed something a little easier and fluffy. It wasn’t for me; it was my bid on a historical romance and a supportive purchase at the opening weekend of the Ripped Bodice in Brooklyn.
The Marriage Portrait by Maggie O’Farrell: My second Maggie O’Farrell book this year and ever! I’ve enjoyed her writing and how she unfolds a story. Both Marriage Portrait and Hamnet follow main characters that you know will die by the end, and I admire the way she constructs a vivid, engaging, and thrilling descent to their deaths. The language is so detailed and beautiful that I find myself learning new words and phrases with each page turned. It’s a lovely challenge for my attention span and a great chance to kick my nasty habit of skipping paragraphs ahead to end the suspense sooner…
And last book update, I reached both of my reading goals for the year: 30 books and 10,000 pages!!!
Digital Media
“Buffalo Return Home” by PBS on YouTube: I weirdly watch a lot of YouTube videos (if you couldn’t already tell) and this one came up during Sunday Morning Matcha Time (Ceremonial Grade). The demise of the buffalo always infuriates me but it’s heartwarming to watch indigenous lands and people be reunited with them. I could watch them run out of steel trailers and directly into the open prairie, falling right in step with the native herd, all day long.
I won’t belabor you with all the YouTube videos I’ve watched the last week (shhhhh) but I will let you know I have nothing else to report on because I’ve been, as they say, living la vida loca. Meaning, that I’ve been to three or four holiday dinners/parties in the last week and haven’t had a moment to relax in front of the black mirror.
Foods
GF risotto with lemon and shrimp: Scott’s fam was here this past weekend and his mom and brother are both gluten-free so I’ve made it my personal mission to find the best GF restaurants in NYC. Risotteria Melotti was our second spot on the hunt. It’s 100% gluten-free and specializes in risotto. Final note: Let me be a bad vegetarian once in a while if it’s for a special occasion, I won’t make a habit of it!
Work Lunches: A sneak peek at what happens when I “accidentally” forget to bring my lunch to work. Tofu, brussels, mac and cheese, and a sorely missed Caesar salad from Dig. Veggie Pho from Saigon Shack.
Lover’s Delight: Something I most adore about Scott is his talent in the kitchen. I can request anything and he’ll whip it up, like this dinner on Sunday night!
why is this the most stunning photo of pickles? the way the light reflects off of them is enchanting.
Other crap
Delta Sky Club lounge at JFK: Scott convinced me to go after I went non-verbal following the terrors of TSA. Unfortunately, I can confirm that these dumb airport lounges do seem to be worth it (non-sponsored). Or, maybe that’s because I had two free glasses of champagne, two bowls of soup, and sat in a quiet corner to write this newsletter.
Moulin Rouge: It was not what I expected but it was so fun! I’m making my way up the ranks of Moulin Rouge: I first saw the actual Moulin Rouge show in Paris in Montmartre, then saw this musical on Broadway, and eventually I’ll watch the movie. Here is my Treachery of Images: Ceci n’est pas le Moulin Rouge.
Lightscape at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden: With each season I am happier and happier that we got a membership at the BBG. It’s beautiful year-round, they have sweet events, and it’s well worth the annual fee. Plus, Scott gets to turn his nose up and pretentiously proclaim that we are ~ members of the garden ~
my favorite little floating flower display
Crit Pic
Another one of these ‘Does this really count???’ but it’s my newsletter, so I can decide that a bird is a critter. This bird is deserving of the highest status I can give her. Kestrel is the moment. She is a warrior, an artist, a muse, a mother (maybe?), a myth. She’s seen tragedy like no other and it turned her into who she is today. I would trust her with my life, and understand when she used me as a mere pawn for her master plan.
Okay, that’s all I’ve got for this week’s Crit Corner! If you made it to the bottom, you have my sincere gratitude. Like, subscribe, leave a comment, whatever else YouTubers say. I hope you enjoyed the ride.
see that is evil, despite all this wholesome branding yet they’re running an elitist grocery store for no reason. thank you for sharing!
Stumbled across this from a shared comment. I want to say that I FEEL YOU on TJs. I used to work for a Kroger brand store. There was a big scare at one point because TJs was considering putting a store in our area.
It came down the grapevine that the area had TOO LOW OF AN AVERAGE IQ for TJs to put up a store. This was definitely a middle (and still shrinking!) to lower class neighborhood that definitely could have benefited from some possibly better sourced, higher nutrition food options.